well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
