I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
