i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
