A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
