One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
