JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
