so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
