We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
