you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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