I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
