Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The struggles of a small town man whore
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
