hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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