I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
