we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
