'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
