you win again, gameday.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
