it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
