I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize