What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
