I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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