Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
