I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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