I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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