at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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