So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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