he shaved USA in his pubs
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
soo... how was my night?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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