can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
