I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
