Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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