This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
