it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
