My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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