I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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