Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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