Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
