I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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