Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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