She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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