Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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