He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
