I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
