I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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