Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
