My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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