Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
