is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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