Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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