After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
