proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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