it was like his penis was on wheels.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
